hola hola. ive been wanting to update but as soon as i got to this page, my mind went blank. instead, i got engrossed with something else (american next top model) what elseee. lucky noone hasn't labeled me as antm obsess-er (i know no such word. was trying to make one) muaha. i think right after you guys read, y'all gonna start labeling me.

so currently watching cycle 10. the latest season and currently airing around the world EXCEPT for singapore. singapore is airing cycle 7 which is so dah basi. and yes yes, caridee ENGLISH won. well, at first i tot she's english. haha. lame me judge her by her name. the first blond woman to win the competition. i mean b4 that was all brunette and black people. trust me. i memorise all their names. (oh my god. firi is scary! an obsessive!!)

ok moving on. life had been fun. okay take that as a sarcasm. i hate to work when there's concert. ill get back home at 5 in the morning and people tot i werked as a hooker which is definitely no. i usually got out of the taxi like a retard( bcos i was ultimately jaded-only God knows how i felt). neighbours might misunderstood and tot im drunk by their first impression. ok so far, neighbours haven't give me disgusted look. it's just me being paranoid. muaha.

school will be starting in 2 weeks. deedee too!! sadly, ive a week left to work. supposingly it shud start in 3 weeks. but am having camp before that. did i mention i hate camps. firstly, i'm alone. secondly, i've no friends. thirdly, i dun recognise ppl there! haha. it's the same actually. so pleasee! any applied science student tag me and update what you'll be wearing. i cant imagine myself wearing some lame shorts there. haha.

okay. only my school is having camp. design, engineering , it and etc are having only 2-3 days orientation. i hate to be away from home and especially my hp!!! alah alah. must it be that compulsory?! school is starting and need to buy uniformss! need to ask the two lovely parents for extra cash.

i was helping my sister with her maths- factorisation. i cant believe but its true it took me so long to solve it. my brain had not been academically active for 5 months. wake up brain!!

tomorrow is just another day. had to wake up early in the morning. i know i have to be there for him no matter what. he should know i'm doing all this because i love him so. im glad they see me as part of their family. let's just pray God will give him strength to face this. Amin.

it's a sad thing this happens in between. happy 4 years , love.

just because of one mistake, everyone is affected. everything is ruined. his reputation went down. but i'm grateful at the same because he realised it at this turning point of life. i always believe because di sebalik ini semua ada hikmahnya. (tengok byk sgt hikmah dahh)

his laugh warms my heart. his touch give me chills. it makes my world go round when i'm with him. now that i can't be with him that often, i've to be patience. i'm glad dee was there yesterday. i felt so terrible after we leave them. dee became my crying shoulders. i was glad that my mom cared for me by asking how he's coping. when these things happen, my mom began to soften her heart towards me , together to my two other siblings. it hurts to see his mother cried and yet, still cared for him. he's a pure gold to his mom.

i know we're going to be okay. i know we would. i've never felt so terrible but i'm going to be okay and keeps on supporting him no matter what. i hope someone out there too, is supporting his best friend.

these past few days had been the worst days of my life. i'm glad i went through it with people like my mother, diyana , fatin and his father supporting me at the same time. i didn't believe he would resort to these kind of things and it totally disappoints me. i was in deep sorrow for the past few days.

i tried to hide all the sadness and pain when i face him. i could just smile and make sure he's okay. in situation like this, i know he really needs me because his mother is outside country. i did what his father pleaded - support and take good care of him wherever he go. his father knew i'm the only person that he could rely on at that point of time.

he is not other but my boyfriend. i've been with him for 4 years. tell me, how could i be okay to see him in so much pain and burden? obviously, i'm feeling the same way he did because he is part of my life. i, as a girlfriend , needs to be there for him no matter how much he disappoints me. that doesn't stop me from loving him. in situation like this, i can't blame anyone. nobody is at fault. it was fated.

okaay. moving on. on saturday!! irashikin's bdaee. i was called at the last minute to work in the morning. finished at 5 and headed to pasir ris. i know he badly wanted to see me but i simply can't. i had no choice but at the same time, i was dying to see him. his father was like begging me to see him. but i cudn't think of my probs only. i need to settle things with my friends and at the same time, i can't afford to disappoint them. i was totally at the weakest point but it doesn't stop me. so i did all in once.

went to the pit and i got so lost. so reached there and i swear the pit was like 1km away. ok no. was so elated to see them once again. as usual, they labeled me as the puteri lilin. goshh. :)) so guys, im sorry if i had to leave early. ira sent me to the entrance. sooo lovely of her. met him and she too, sort of nagged at him. so, happy legally 18th dude. clubbing kepeee. ahaha.

so his father fetched me together with him and his bro. was sooo relieved to see him once again. we went to eat at swensen at t3. (the place was damn blardy nice i tell you. i was like a foreigner because i was so jakon. seriously!!)

so yeah in the end i managed to do all in once. i was there at the pit and i hope my presence is felt(i'm sorry i cudnt be there long enuff). lastly, i was there for him. i hope God gave me the strength to live my life this coming days. i couldn't do anything but pray for the best for him and his friend.

i will always love him.

boo YA. i don't know but it's been almost a week. step up 2 is still fresh on my mind (and i'm still inspired to dance). i remembered sharing the same ambitions with my friends after watching all those kinds of movie. " omg omg, we start should going to the gym and attend dance classes. " haha. i got so damn addicted to the soundtrack. fandi toooo, he started it first. he listened to this kind of songs. so people, if u yet to catch it please doooo.

dun watch the pirated or in the internet. not fun u see!! u dun feel the vibe. when you're in the movie, you just wanna shake ur booty all the way and make the person behind you drool or puke or worst of all, blind! cmon yawww! go go book the tickets. ( the producers should thank me for promoting their movie HERE )

dun be surprised to see my name at the end of the credits.

" special thanks to firhanah (who lives in singapore) for promoting this movie. "

ill be crying all day long because i was too honoured. ok cut it. it'll nvr happen.

it's been 7 days i didnt werk! and thankfully, im getting better. oh boy. no more spicy food and caffeine for me. and finally, i'm werking today. i miss work and people at there. most of all, i miss talking to deena. hoho.

yesterday, met fandi at 1pm. did i mention that i'm waking up early so that i dun miss my breakfast? in case you didnt know, i HAVE to wake up just not to skip breakfast. i'm starting to have my regular meals every now and then. firi going healthy. ok so, met him. his father send us to tth. did his check up.

his mother left first. oh my, his mother has the identical personality like him. if you people know him well, you'll know what i mean. ;)

den, went back to east. met deedee and collect my tee. went back to town. chilled and at last!!! i ate an ice cream. oh my goddd. it was heaven, seriously. birds were flying round me. hohoho. okay den went home. tadaaa.

got work today. if you're bored, just go down to my workplace and EAT. ahaha. ok toodles.

isn't it sick not to eat your favourite dishes when your own mom is cooking it? oh my. my mom cooked porridge and tomato rice & bbq chicken(slurpp). ironically, the whole family ate the porridge. ive no choice but to eat the porridge. actually, i'm not following the doctor's advice.

i was not allowed to eat at all except to drink tonic drinks like milooo n horlicks. goshh. no lifeeeeeeeeeeeee!!

" if you want to eat , it's your own risk. not mine ok? "

how could a doc say to a person who loveee to eat??!! fandi came over yest and was really testing my patience and temptation at the same time by eating the juicy bbq chicken which is the nicest thing in the earth. ( i bet you are drooling)

so after he went home. i tried the chicken. the outcome ;

i suffered at night. really.

























okay, that was from 2005-2008. i was bored. i realised last time i liked to wear thick eyeliner. bahaha. and i grew much older (duh). sobs sobs. ok bye now.

what a sickening week. been down with many types of illness. gees,actually not a lot of them, just two. until i cudnt report to work & my manager got mad at me bcos i told her at the very last min. fandi was being such a hero and replace me even he was hesitant at first. that happens yesterday, right after the school carnival. okay, ill elaborate on that later on. but first,..in case if u haven watch step up 2 or having doubts bout watching....



you shud really catch it. i mean really. worth your 9.50bucks. it was sooo much better than part 1(even though channing tatum spice up the movie). i give 4 thumbs up for this movie, inc my toes. the guy of the movie is quitee hot(i dun really fancy blonde guys but he looked like the guy from the american pie). i cant believe i watch american pie.

okay, i absolutely lovee the last part. i mean which dance movie can you find them battling and dancing in the rain?? SEXY i must sayy. my eyes were totally glued on the screen without even blinking. weird but true. everyone did that. okay, it's a really good movie. worth to watch. worth to treat your friends, gf or bf.






okay so,went to school carnival yest. there's been so many changes. no more lab at the first level! oh my, thats where we took out o lvl practical. was such a memorable place. went to the 'disco room'. it was tedious. i think the most happening disco was two yrs back where they held it at the surfin room. everyone dances like there's no tmr. okay.

so, i wasnt in the mood for anything. i apologise fer being so hostile and unfrendly. i was so fatigue that i cudnt stand for even a min. so, i cudnt report to work. i cudnt get thru deena. i got scolded by my manager. of cos, its unexpected when you get sick.

" hey im getting a leave next week bcos im going be sick! "

who the hell say that right. so deena was being sooo understanding that she didnt allow me to werk and instead,asked me to find some1 to replace me. so fandi was all i have. he, being such a good bf decided to replace me by all means even though he truly was hesitant. sat night is always bz. i dun mind werkin on weekdays even if im sick. thank you thank you didi! love him man.

what saddens me the most on that day was i was barely recognized by someone who ive known for years. i cant believe they looked at me like as if we did not share any good memories. i cant help but to feel sad all day long and yet i cant bear to hold any grudge. for months ive been thinking what wrong did i do and people were just telling me that im wasting time thinking bout people who doesnt even think bout me. they had each other so they stand to lose nothing. im on my own with people like diyana and fandi supporting me. fandi took over the place and became the shoulders to cry on, be there for me when im sick, entertains me when im lonely,be a friend when i need a friend. i cant imagine being w/o him. diyana too. god gave me both of them when they're gone. whatever it is, i do miss them. this heart of mine is too soft to hold any grudges. i cant.

it's a rainy rainy wednesday afternoon. my sister is currently sleeping beside me and i'm still wondering why. my bro too, is sleeping except for my mother who is always busy on the phone with her friends toking bout jobs and poly enrollment.

imagine yesterday, in the middle of the crowd, she can still stop and punch her friends no. just to informed that ive completed my enrollment exc that i cudnt go for the checkup. jiwe ah beb. meanwhile, i was half dead, my soul was out there somewhere, calling me to sleep. i just recovered from food poisoning. not quite recovered. my tummy still ached though. does it sucks or not sucks to have food poisoning?

im starting to love food, even junk food. am so addicted to chips and chocs until my tummy cudnt response well to these food on one fine day. it says ' i need some vitamin pleaseee! more vege pleasee! ' thats when firi has to stop indulging rubbish food. i told my mom we need a refrigerator makeover.

no more chips and chocs. just apples, salad and...fruits, more fruits!! and here is what my parents reply,

" biaselah anak kan nk jadi nutritionist. kite pon jadi mangse dier..."

haiz. people shud side me and go on healthy food! go go go!

ok stop it fir.

awwww. just take a look at this cute barney boyy doing some sort of aerobics. muaha. act he was sleeping. den he was shocked and proud at the same time his pic was taken. hohoho.



ok went to dee dee house last 2days to printout my enrollment. ( was having such a bad hair day) i look so old , dun i? my hair is so serabai ryte? haha, ok stop it firrr. stop itt. it's raining! how am i supposed to go to werk?? bohooo. cant imagine myself running in the rain. wooooo. tmr's disney on ice.

i know, i sound so kido going to disney on ice. but free tix wadd. its not like i got some maroon 5 concert tix. oh godddd. pls i want it soooo badly. boohooo. pls god, if i only i go out today and the maroon 5 tix fall on me. sobssobs.. ok tata people!

oh my, just take a look at my skinny arms. sobs sobs. i hate it when people advise me to eat more. hey heyy dude, ive been indulging loads of food these days. it's more than you can imagine. hohoho. so people stop! i know what im eating ok.

furthermore, im gonna study bout food. food food all the way. okay, i was really bored during work when i started to take the mop and sing like a rockstar as there was zero customer. it was like 12am. cmoonn give some break to the customerr.

so junah was being mean and took a pic of me. but somehow, i manage to pose. muaha, anything for the camera dude. these days, i feel so damn empty after the 3-days-of-heaven-ness. yes, ive been meeting fandi for the straight 3 days. and now, i hate to wake up on the day im not meeting him. -.- but work manage to kill time.

im so looking forward to weekends. slurp2. there's always food calling me. we love chickens. prop prop* he was like more than a bf to me. whats more than a bf? hmm. aside from that, i miss diyana so much. why am i missing people so much? im starting to miss studying...

okay thats insane.

GOODBYE.

it's a beautiful thursday morning. it's breezy out there. it's currently 3.57 am. ive yet had my sleep and i still smell of coffee.

i want to watch THE LEAP YEARS !! people! comment okay whether it's good, worth to watch with a boyfriend or friend or alone perhaps?

IMY.

firi says:
he's been dere tapi cam ko tk prasan all this while
firi says:
oh boy
firi says:
ok dee.

muchacha de la estrella en gris says:
FIR
muchacha de la estrella en gris says:
URE SUPPOSED TO SIDE ME

firi says:
hahaha

muchacha de la estrella en gris says:
grr

tell me, am i being such a good friend? ahah.