it's hurts to see him crying on inside, yet laughing on the outside. he was such a good pretender but however, he was translucent to me. i could detect all the sadness and sorrows within him. he moved on with his life, leaving one of his dreams. i'm like ' sometimes in life, we dun always get what we want.' he live a life full of criticism, revolving people who hate him and love him at the same time. he break through all the barriers in his life and prove to people he is indeed, very strong.

sometimes i could not take much of people's criticism about him. our maturity may differ, we may have a rocky relantionship but that doesn't stop me from loving him. there was something extraordinary in him that i could not find in any other guys and it's so hard to explain what it is. he's a pure gold. i play an important role in his life. whatever it is, i am going to support him. i prayed every night for him to be a better and optimistic person.

don't start giving up, love. be patience just like what you always do. be strong and insyaAllah, god will grant your every wish. he inspired me. he is my soulja boy. he is my dear, beloving bf. i love him always.

oh myyy. it's 10 am in the morning!! im supposed to be in bed , snoring the morning away. yawnss** but there was a renovation going upstairs. it started at blardy 9am. give me break!! ill be working in 7 hours time. yawnss**


the reason i hate waking up so early is there is no breakfast! ill get so damn hungry. my mom will STRICTLY cook at 2pm. oh myyy. vroomm vroomm. there goes the sound. who in the world do renovation in the morning. even the banglas need some sleep. i dunnoe how in the werld my mom is sleeping soundly like there's nuttin happening around here except when i screamed, she'll wake up in an instant and goes 'huh?huh? wot happen?!'. ill be like 'oh, nuttin. diana bully me.'


-.-


people are like schooling right at this moment! & what am i doing right at this time last year? drooling during ss/geog lessons or sulked during bernerd's pe lesson. im so missing dunman. im so going to the bazaar except that i ferget to buy the tix from alfian. crook crook. he insisted that i should buy 10bucks worth of tix from him. wahhhh. i chop money.


speaking of money. wah, im so relieved i finally got my taxi claim. my taxi claim was like $100+ and its like my own money. it took them weeks to pay me back. the guys tot im so stupid bcos they felt the supervisor there is making use of me. kwangg. see, the disadvantage of werking night but i hate werking morning. i hate wearing makeup at 5 in the morning. oh goshhh.

oh my this is such a random post. school will be starting in 2 mths time. yet another routine of studying for exams and waking up so early for classes. isnt it heaven to have 5 months break from school? 2 months of worrying, 3 months of waiting. haha.

okay. goodbye.

wohooo its monday. monday monday blues. ok when was the last time i updated. hmm. okay, thursday. was out with deedee. met her at the top of the afternoon. when the sun was right on top of the head. nvr been out so early, trust me. met her at tp busstop. it was an express journey from tamp to suntec. omg, i cant believe ive to survive using adult fare for the rest of my life. no more student pass for mee!!! babi ko dee.


went to search fer her school shoe. oh my, i just remember those pampered days, buying expensive shoes and ill say to mom, " it can last two years, mumy. " not even two years, i asked my mom for another shoe. ahaha. ok now ive to live on my own. buy own clothes and everything. can you believe i bought deodorant, shampoo and conditioner using my own money? my other family members are also using it. thats noottt fair. and the good thing is that my mom asked me to buy sanitary pads for her. wah. i believe my money is not fer buying household things. haiz. patience fir. at least i loosen the financial tension that had been growing for the last few months.


anyway, continue. ate at food culture. and i treat my DEAR DEEDEE eh eh? tkpe tkpe, dun pay me back ok. my treat yaw. went home bcos my sis is all alonee at home. boohoo, like she's not used being so alone at home. well, at least having her around makes the house looks like a jungle. okay dats too much. i went home only to find out that my bro was off. kwang..

thursday night. all i remember it was such a terrible night. a heart aching night.

FRIDAY.
the big daddy treated us sheeshaa. well, since he's legally eighteen. well, all sorts of things happened. i could understand why i easily got so annoyed. i was having my dengdeng.





























syerz treated us. yeah me & fandi didnt touch the sheeshaa at all. ahahah (cam faham) it can get really damn addictive. so went home feeling so damn drowsy.






















okay. thats the end of friday. saturday morning at 12. was at busstop with dd.

i appreciate it. you made the right choice of moving on with me. thank you for all the understanding and patience you had with me for all this while. i just realise i cudnt live without you. neither could you. im ready to face the challenges that could break us apart. i will stand up for you and of course, because of your love. i will always love you. thank you for not giving up on me and this last until the end of time.


InsyaAllah.

& raily. im sorry for what had happened. im truly sorry. im sure there's such thing as what goes around comes around. one day, he'll feel what you feel and im sure he'll be hurt seeing you. be strong and patience ok.

and yesss, im sharing my room with my sissie. oh mannn. she'll be sleeping in my room. oh my. IVE NEVER SHARE A ROOM WITH HER FOR THE ENTIRE 17YEARS OF MY LIFE. ok, wad a shocking fact. but but she's been a daddy's girl. and i wanna have the room to myself so nobody could hear me sing , see me cry , laugh when im mad and hear me talk alone. oh gosh.

werk on saturday. i cudnt stand customers any longer. they can be such an big arse to me. im sick of these customers looking down upon workers like us. it can be really, really sick. when i watch the commercial about customers being kind and courtesy. fcuk it, it dun really exist. except for some customers, they can get really really kind. for example, teenagers like us. they are always smiling. thier smile really warm our hearts.

haiz. all i could do is SMILE whent the customers scolded us. wth. but be patience. thats all i could say. im there to earn money, not to entertain these i-love-to-fight customers.

goodbye.

i got home late from work. washed my clothes. ate. watched the teevee. so i slept nearly 5am this morning. and not even 2 hours of sleep, andddd my dear gerllll intrude my beauty sleep. 'diyana ___' appeared on my hp screen.

" you gotta be kidding mee calling me at this hour.....? "
" fir fir kau dpt skola aper ah ? "
" huh? ape ? jap jap. "

there was a msg icon at my hp. there was a msg from...MOE.

" arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! aku dpt temasek. omg. omg. "

my sister slammed open the door and thought i kena raped. ok that was 6am. i was so elated. delivered the news to dd n fatin. and ira's mom and andre texted me. yey fer andre, he got to tp too. i see tp gonna be the next dunman. hohoho. and school starting on 21st april. crook crook.


and it's not even march. till then.

im starting to get pissed with the security at my workplace, as well as the indoor stadium. GATAL NAK MAMPOS. and which company deliver their products at 4am?? god, he must be drunk.

it's been a very tiring week. even though i just had my beauty sleep(13 hrs of sleep), i still feel like going back to bed and sleep throughout the evening and night w/o waking up. but i need to eat. foooodd is the most important source for fir right now because she is starting to lose weight. (oh my, she is so damn thin and she's to lose weight.) wot an absurd statement.


ok shh. wot ive been doing this week. WORK. ive been such a damn workaholic till ive to squeeze time so that im able to spent time with my sayang-sayang ones. on tuesday, thank god the shop close at 9.30pm. junah n me did the closing like mad. junah got extremely crazy till she eat her chicken in the midst of washing up. deedee called. so i get to spare my time with her WHILE cleaning the whole shop. after that, i went crazy because it was oredi like 11 30.

slowww sia we do closing. on thurs, oh god. ive to wake up at 1pm. give some love to eyes man. so, i got ready very very slowly. and my precious black tube dropped outside the window. and ironically, it was not me who went mad about it. it was mum who was shouting at me like dere's tmr bcos i still haven got ready. crook crook.

so yeyyy at last meet the lovelove cousins. they are like my siblings to me. so yeyyy meet my sis and bro at bugis. as usual, it was deserted. you noe,hollywood directors shud consider filming zombies movie in singapore when it comes to occasion like this.

so we went to arab street to eat. i swear the murtabak chicken was damn blardy nice. i think they put the whole packet of curry powder. so imagine, ive to wait 30 blardy mins for my mee kuah to arrive. so my mee kuah arrived when everybody finished eating. and all of them watched me eat like a starving child which have not eat for 10years.










omg the beautiful scenery. yes, he lives right in front of this building. and right in front of this block is the cemetery. creepy huhhh. went to mustafa. the black parade.

such an arse. alfian created the 'black parade'. bought straightener. at last. see people, always and always buy vs brand if u wanna buy like straightener or curler. you see, my straightener lasted for 5yrs. the reason i wanted a new one is that..i wanted a new one lah. haha. the ceramic one, oh god. den sleptover at my cuzzin' hse. this time w/o my sis. gosh. did truffles. slept at 3am just bcos ive got werk tmr. if not fer werk, we wud have sleep at 6. :D

woke up at 11am. i ferget wot day it is. oh, it was yesterday. friday. rushed back home and got ready. need to be at work by 1 30 to do opening. so, as usual i was late. cooked all the gravy and im soo elated customer liked my laksa. ahaha. the reason is i put 2 box of coconut milk which actually im not supposed to. hey, its more yummy. so we went crazy bcos there's millions of customers came. ceh, nolah. just bcos the food court is not opened, so they attacked our cafe.

so begged fandi to come down and helped. junah too, was begging him like mad on the phone. haha. at last, he came. woohoo. soo tadaaa, he appeared right on time. he brought in all the plates, wipe the tables, sweep, mop the floor and lastly, wash the cloth. oh my god, i love him so much. he's such a hero. if not fer him, we wud go back at 12 plus. so he sent me home. and im starting to miss him like mad gf. yet, it's so hard to see him bcos we're sort off busy with our werk and his school. sad faceee.

and ive to work again today with my supervisor this time. and tmr is my off day. woooohoooo. and my madrasah is having a hol which so weird. but yeahh no more 2 hrs of sleep to bear with :D :D i shud planning wot am i supposed to do fer the whole day. hmmm. i need to eat murtabak and most importantly i need to see him! aha, toodles.

SUNDAY.

how could i ever survive during ugame class when i had only 2 hours of sleep. furthermore, the ugame class is 3 long solid hours w/o any break. i was home by 5am bcos all the girls did closing. so me n junah had to throw the millions pounds rubbish. you see, we need guys to do closing. they are the hero of wang cafe. ok shh. so i slept at 5 30.

woke up at 7 30. oh my, swear i walked like a zombie. but i love the al-quran lesson. there's this guy who reads al-quran really really well. i mean like really. he was not even a nerd. what surprise me is that he is a normal emo guy but could read al-quran really well. i think they are a turn ons to me. ahah. so people! i mean guys! read more al-quran to impress girls!

so, arab lesson was like a headwire. suriani was like " oh my god, arab is soo much harder than chemistry and physics. " true true. played tictactoe with syidah during history lesson. my book is all scribbled with crosses and circles.

so yeyyyy,school ended! ive to walked home just to save my bus far which is like millions miles from home. it's sucky to use an adult fare. oh my. just 2 trips to my workplace oredi cost me like 2 bucks. my god. can any kind souls lend me a student pass wif my face on it?

once i reached home, slept like a pig. woke up and met fandi. :D :D im sooo in love with him. even after 4 yrs, im still crazy over him. ok ok.

MONDAY.

hoho. the police concert. oni rich people go and watch. so ive to work to replace ali and fandi. but then, they came dwn to collect their pay and as well as clean up the whole cafe. so kind of them. soooo touchedd**

so ah jun quit to further his studies. he's a 5As student. cmonnnn. why wud he work again ryte. the jc is sooo calling him. so, just see him in 2 yrs time. vincent going to private school and get double diploma. hmmm. me and hong hao are stucked in the workplace and wait fer our school which is like gonna start in 2 mths time. i was like asking him why he dun like to do closing. i got the most absurd reply from him....

" so tiring and..im scared i kena rape "

so i stared at him, crook crook.

" why wud ppl wanna rape you in the first place."

if she's a girl, i dun mind lah eh. he's a tough, not gayish but skinny guy to me. it's like you're saying tweety raping slyvester.




slyvester was like 'err, tweety rape me?' true true. but ya noee, things happen. lets just hope fer the best. and today oni me n junah doing closing. woohoo. ok goodbye now...

sayang, yg sudah tu sudahhh..

i can't believe this is happening to me right now.i can't believe a friend that i trust betrayed me. wot wrong did i do to deserve this? i always wonder am i such a bad friend? i miss my old friends. i really miss them. i miss the stupidness and crapness we always had. it's so hard to move on and leave behind my best friends because i knew they had each other and it's better off w/o me. they were the best things that happened to me. all that's left are memories. i hope i always be remembered. i seeked for some place to lean on and i thanked god for giving me diyana to become the hero(in) in my life. she was always there fer me all the while, which i didnt realise fer e moment. she was always dere fer me thru the thick n thin. she was there on the phone when i needed some place to cry on. no words could describe how grateful i am to still have her in my life.

the friend that betrayed me. all this while, i had trust on her. now that i know her attitude. oh wait, i oredi know her real colours. everyone around me knows her real well. she had a gut to wreck my relantionship. bcos of me, fandi is doubting my love towards him. (which is so sad) this is so hard to face. what am i supposed to do now when i cudnt change his feelings.(if i have the power) i gave my all to show that i love him. i know im starting to wear off facing the same thing all over again but ill built my own courage. i will because i really love him.

oh my. im late fer werk. deena wud obviously detect my sadness. you see, im so translucent. so detectable. im not good at hiding feelings. shits. till then,toodles.



(wot an entry). ill promise and post a better n entertaining entry.

good afternoon readers. bahaha. ya noe i wanna share something. i was watching antm (america's next top model , in case you dunnoe) season 9. singapore has yet to air this season ( i think) or izzit just me who have not been watching teevee. watched it yesterday and got addicted to it. there's this woman, heather kuzmich (woman in the photo on the left side). well, she made it to the final semi finals. she was not an ordinary woman. she had this asperger's syndrome. a sickness which has some difficulty in interacting people. i was wondering how could she made it to the final 13, competing with all the gorgeous, beautiful ladies.

well, one thing i liked about her is that she is very humble and always keeps to herself. she dun care wtv people say. other models were like " i got what it takes to be a model. im gonna beat her. this is real competition. i dun see real potential in her. i think i have something in me that other girls dun have..yada yada." all sorts of I-AM-THE-ONLY-PERFECT-GIRL-ON-EARTH. ahah. and this heather was like " i dun wanna be eliminated. i like everyone here..." oh my. it's very rare to hear those coming out from models' mouth.


well, she was not even weird. as you can see, she's a damn blardy gorgeous woman. she was the 4th runner up in this season. im not surprised if she made it that far. ahaha. am i realy tokin about models now. it's interesting though. i read xiaxue's blog. i found out a dirty secret about edison chen. oh my. he's one hella hot guy. i guess after finding out ' his dirty little secret' , he turns me off. so gerls, dun sleep with him unless you want your sex pics to be leaked out. so beware if he ever seduce you!! ahah like as if he stays in singapore. okay okay. thats it fer today.

im elated that at last fandi is spending his day with me yet after one week!! had breakfast with him this morning but im still hungry. this stomach is growling like a machine gun. grrgrrr. and hopefully he buys me dinner. ok no, i wont not let him buy me dinner. ermm. ok nvm we just eat ice cream. 50cent only. erm okay now, till then.