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STARRY EYED. |
Sunday, November 18, 2007, 3:54 PM
life's full of _____.
0 commentsyou know exactly wot i mean. i mean cmon, life is just full of ups and downs. " i got this feeling you'll fail your o's " it cuts me like a knife. those were words coming out from someone. and that someone is the reason i wanted to make difference in my life, who inspire me to have a bright future. it was my mom. those werds were coming out from my mother's mouth which literally means she had no hope on me anymore. she thought im not taking my exams seriously. i scoffed and pictures of the sacrifises i made were juggling in my head. those hurtful words left me speechless. im like let's just wait on the result day. however, im still worried for my english and of course all the other subjects. i keep having strange dreams. i would not resort to any verbal violence, vulgarities or whatsoever. im not like those useless child out there who'll say ' oh fuck you! ' or ' get out of my life! ' to their parents. i think you shud get a life. dunchu think those words were little too harsh on someone who have brought you up all these years? for free? i grew up not being spoilt like my elder bro and young sis - "i want barbie! i want a guitar! i want a motor!" and they got wot they want. and obviously i got what i want lah..on conditions. my mom splashed water on bed if i dun attend ugame class.(that was when i was in sec1) my mom said "ooh its ok, u can quit ur ugame once ur oredi sec 1 " to my sister.my mom gave 1hour lecture without being tired when i rebel.my mom slapped my lips until it bleeds when i spouted curses.(that was when i was in sec1 again)my mom scolded my sis when she cursed and my sis would slam the door just bcos my mom scolded her. i looked over to my mom and....wot do you think i should say to her..? until now, ive zero percent resentment towards my mom. i respect her bcos she teached me self-discipline and not to rely on others too much all this while. i still have respect towards her. she will always be my inspiration although...she kinda have her bad days. she can get soo bengis but i believe she still have a softness in her heart. cmon everyone has their softness. she's still my mother and will always and always be my mother no matter what. i, as a daughter would stand on both feets on my own and fullfil her wants in any way i can. so wot do you do after reading this entry? now go to ur mom and kiss her. at times, i feel so unappreciated. i feel people dread my existence. all good deeds i did to people, i hope they realise and appreciate it. i tried to be a very good person. i really tried. i guess i end up hurting myself even more. i end up being fooled. it's too much already. i dun wish to take revenge on people who have hurt me a lot. i don't. they will get the retribution on their own and not by me. i just wish them the best and i hope all the good deeds i did to them were worth it afterall. after watching the devil wears prada, i smiled to myself. they're right. everyone has a choice to make. it's about time for me to distance myself and move ahead with life. | |||||
